"Balance"

Written on Thursday, May 15, 2008 at 6:58pm

it’s difficult keeping this in balance. easily typed.. easily read.. & easily said.

i’m having a hard time admitting that keeping things afloat is easy. it can get hard at times, and there are other moments where i just want to crawl in a hole and disappear for a good moment or two (not death). but that’s immature and childish.
i try and confront problems as they arise and i try to make sure i keep my cool. it’s difficult. some times i just want to say fuck it all. and no.. it’s not any relationship issues. it’s more like… everything.

but saying “fuck it all” is negative and just plain wrong. why throw everything away that was given to me? i want to feel accomplished and happy at the end of it all. and.. the only way in doing so is by tackling all those fears and speedbumps with tenacity and patience.

love goes a long way. and.. love is not easy. love takes time and a lot of strength. love is earned. that’s why there are people out there that like to sleep around and not commit. they just don’t want to deal with all the complicated-ness that comes with loving another person. loving another person means you accept them for who they are and you care more about them than you do yourself (hope that made sense).

i write these things for myself. not for anyone. i write these things so that one day.. when i look back at the struggles that i had to endure to achieve blissful happiness.. i can remind myself that it wasn’t given to me easily. in all actuality.. it was given to me in the hopes that i might be able to handle everything. i like reading past things and reminding myself that not everything is easy.. every thing comes fantastic. it’s just up to you to make sure it stays that way.

writing frees my soul. i can read and it’s like i’m reading my inner-most thoughts. i like it.

so.. don’t knock my hustle and if you are… leave me be. now i’m ranting. so good-bye/