MATURE CONTENT – "The Ghost of Christmas Past"

I’d like to preface this blog with a few comments. The following words come from the past. They illustrate tumultuous periods of my life where I was still young and in search of spirituality, good friends and decent guidance.

For the most part, I have all those things now. The following tidbits are ones that I like to look back on and be remembered that life will always be an uphill battle and to make the most of it.

At the end of the day.. life is what you make it. So make it the best you can.. CARPE DIEM!

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DISCLAIMER: Please be advised that the following content is mature in language. It has been left unaltered and uncensored to promote free-thinking and individuality. Thank you for understanding!

Saturday, March 15, 2003

-the best things on earth are in your dreams.. you can always depend on them to take you anywhere you desire and get anything you want.

-always forgive and forget. it’s never good to always be walkin’ around w/ a stick halfway up your ass just cuz of some stupid drama.

-high school don’t matter.. but cutting class does. i leave that up to you to interpret and think about.

-everything in moderation.. too much of something will always f*ck w/ your head.. it ain’t good for the soul!!

-always speak what’s on your mind. just cuz people can’t handle the truth sometimes.. doesn’t mean that you should censor yourself. if they don’t like what they hear.. they can always cover their damn ears and look away. for all you know.. everyone might agree w/ you.. they’re just afraid to speak up for some stupid reason.

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iono where the inspiration came for this one. i’m sure i didn’t write it. but anywaise… mucho credits to the creative writer of this piece. i am just sharing this with the world.

//the pros & the cons//

I’ve never been so happy; I’ve never been so depressed.
I’ve never felt so forsaken; I’ve never been so blessed.
I’ve never been so confused; things have never been so clear.
Friends have never been so distant; they’ve never been so near.
I’ve never been so discouraged; I’ve never been so full of hope.
I feel like I could go on forever; I’ve come to the end of my rope.
I’ve never had life so easy; I’ve never had it so tough.
Things have never been so smooth; they’ve never been so rough.
I’ve never traveled more valleys; I’ve never ascended so many peaks.
I’ve never met so many nice people; I’ve never met so many freaks.
I’ve never had so many ups; I’ve never had so many downs.
I’ve never worn so many smiles; I’ve never worn so many frowns.
I’ve never been so lonely; I’ve never had so many friends.
Man, I hope this is over soon; Shit, I hope this never ends.

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Tuesday, March 09, 2004

so.. this gas “crisis” is dee-you-em-dee. imma be soooooooo FUCKED when im drivin’ again. premium is like at 2.30 almost. damn.. this is gonna be one hard summer.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

i’m worried that i’ll end up as one of those assholes of an adult the older i get. they say that w/ age comes wisdom.. but there’s also conservatism. i wish i could keep a liberal state of mind my entire life.. but i know that’s impossible cuz the older you get.. the more conservative you become [goin' in circles, aye?] it worries me so much that i’ll act like a grown up. always worried about dumb shit like payin’ rent and keeping a job. i wanna just live life. i wanna be happy. i don’t want wanna worry about shit like that. i don’t wanna worry about if i’m bein’ a productive citizen or not. why can’t we just be happy? why can’t life just be simple? i’ve said this before.. and this is something i truely believe in a lot.. life is more enjoyable the simpler you make it. it’s the g*ddamn truth. [to me that is]. you don’t gotta believe it.. and i’m sure there are others out there that have many reasons as to why you should you become a fucking productive citizen in this hypocritical [sp?] nation.. but fuck it. it IS my life, ya know. i realize though that there ARE certain things that might make me sound like im just full of shit.. considering the the fact that i DO want lotsa cars. but that only stems from an obsession that who-knows-where it came from. but i mean.. it’s not like im askin’ for a lot. i just wanna live a normal.. simple life. i don’t want a big house in some nice neighborhood. i just want a place to call my own. a place where i can sleep, watch tv, eat, do whatever i please. and if that means livin’ outta a small studio.. then so be it. at least i’ll be happy right? damn straight. see.. that’s my philosophy. i dont’ no stupid complications that come from big business transactions. i mean.. i can easily go to the best school due to my parents money [yes they're rich and i can say that w/ confidence] but i choose not to. i’ve seen how money can corrupt a person. i’m scared to be corrupted by money. that’s a major fear of mine. that i’d choose money over friends and family. fuck that shit.. i’d trade all the money in the world to just being the happiest damn guy on the planet.

Friday, March 17, 2006

we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

so i think i have this issue with being forgotten. i don’t like it. it’s not nice. it makes me feel like shit. i don’t understand it. it’s mean. it’s rude. it’s gross. it’s sad. i hate it. what’s wrong with me? i may not have been the best of the best, but i know myself and i know for a fact that i’m not such a bad person. the best way i can put it.. i react to the environment. it’s just a button, for example. no need to yell. no need to be smart with me. why make such a big deal of it? what’s wrong with you? there are times when i just wanna cuss the shit outta you. only cuz you look down on me. you call me a BLANK for no reason now. you don’t know how i am in day-to-day life. you don’t know the good things i do for people. you don’t know the effort i’ve been putting in at school. at work. by reading all my goddamn books. by actually trying to do something with my life. all you see is a BLANK with no goals. the same ol’ idiot that just watches tv. that just goes out. that parties a bit different than you. am i not good enough to just even enjoy a conversation with the rest of you? do you despise me that much? you think i’m that stupid? or are you just thinking that you definitely are better than me. that you think that all my decisions are stupid ones and that i will never be able to reach the high goals that were expected for me. the ones that everyone thought i could get to. but no longer can. only because i chose to walk a different path. speak a different way. think a bit different. watch different tv shows. whats wrong with you? did you ever really take the time to get to know me? did you ever really “get” my whole persona? do you just judge me by the way i walk? or the things i say on the fone? do you even wanna bother yourself with talking to me? do you just put up with it b/c you’re my BLANK and because we’re “BLANK”? is all “just because”? with no explanation? i don’t appreciate you always talking down to me. and i mean always. you’re demeaner is insulting. jesus christ. i won’t ever understand though. and that makes me sad. that’s all i can say.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

trust has been my biggest issue lately. i’m slowly starting to realize that the trust among close friends is nothing compared to aquiantances. and.. it’s not like it’s “nothing”.. it’s more like.. it’s different. it’s a different type of trust. its been hard trusting certain people lately. some are fake.. some are cool. the fake ones are easy to spot. the genuine ones are even harder. those are the ones that take ages to build. it can be extremely hard maintain a relationship between another person that you barely know. it takes alotta fucked up shit for you to see that the other person is genuinely your friend.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

i get so frustrated sometimes. it’s not even funny. i can’t stand it. why are things so hard to do sometimes? what does it take to just go out and do something? to show some love? to show some appreciation? to just say hello? to just get your shit done? get your shit straight? what’s with this always having to prove shit? why can’t people just carpe diem? maybe it’s just peoples’ innate being inside of themselves that doesn’t allow them to just do it. it gets frustrating. it gets annoying. but who i am to say these things? it’s not like i’m some sort of genius that knows every motherfucking thing. i’m not some special guy that thinks they can have whatever it is they want. it ain’t even like that. all i fucking want is SIMPLICITY. everything seems to be complicated. maybe it’s me that complicates things, but.. who knows. i honestly don’t think it is.

the things i want in life seem to be too much to ask for at times. and at times i just wanna say F*CK IT ALL just leave this place and just start somewhere new. but.. that’s loser shit. quitters never prosper. they never achieve anything. so why should i quit? i hate quiting. but sometimes.. i’d rather just let things fall apart then just put more work into it because what’s the point of having that good thing when in the end… it’s just gonna fall apart? why put all that effort into things when you know in the end.. it ain’t gonna be worth shit? WHY? it’s like investing. why invest all that money into that company.. when you know ten years down the road they are just gonna go bankrupt. so.. should i just invest now.. and cash out when the going is good? these are the things that confuse. these are the things that i just can’t seem to get. why bother? i’m tired of being the type “it was fun while it lasted”. fuck that shit. i don’t want it. but everyone seems to be interested in something else. they always gotta be the one to show up others. and when it comes to being genuine… it seems to be like it doesn’t exist. i know what i’m capable of doing. but are others capable of doing the same? iono.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

so there’s this word that i’ve been thinking about lately.. ARROGANCE

should it really  matter what others think of you? why should your actions dictate how you present yourself to others? as long as the ones that matter and you care about aren’t affected and hurt then why should you care about how joeschmoe thinks about you? honestly.. i could give a fucking rat’s ass about some fuck on the street thinking they don’t like the comment i said to them or especially the way i carry myself.

i sincerely apologize for some of the hurtful things that i tend to do to strangers, but.. to be honest.. if you don’t know me for me.. then i don’t really care about how some no body views me as a day to day person. they’re actions and words don’t affect me or my lifestyle.

on the contrary.. the ones i docare about i pay close attention to and i do let their words and actions dictate the way i live my life. why? because they are the ones i pay close attention to and actually do care about. they’re words and the way they live their life has an affect on me. why? because if i do act like an arrogant prick towards… they will no longer have anything to do with me. they are ones that i hold their opinions on a golden pedestal. they are the ones that i seek advice from.

i’m sincerely sorry if i don’t pay attention to the average idiot. i just don’t care what others really think about me. if it doesn’t concern me.. who cares?

you should pay close attention to the ones that are in your life. those are the ones that matter. those are the opinions that should matter. the ones that come from people you see on a daily basis. the ones you interact with. the ones you seek to impress. if THEY always say you’re a fucking idiot… LISTEN TO THEM and change your ways. if not.. and it comes from some fucking retard on the street at some restaurant.. fuck ‘em. they don’t deal with you on a constant day to day basis. so fuck what they say and fuck what they think. not like you’re tryin’ to fuck them, right?

all in all.. take care of yourself and if you live life honestly.. then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

you gotta go thru enormous amounts of bullshit to appreciate the most lovelyest of things. i’m sure you know why. if you don’t… you’re ignorant. i’m sorry. don’t ever regret your problems. they’re there for a reason. some strange reason. they’re there to help us endeavour the unknown that we’re gonna see later on in life. and it’s funny… you give people advice in the hopes that they’re gonna take it for what it’s worth. advice. but nope. it doesn’t get taken. it just gets added to their vast amount of useless banter that makes up their endless thoughts of bullshit. yes. it’s bullshit. you’re obviously given advice  for a reason. to help you out with a situation that you may be in. advice is only given to friends and people you care about. people that you wanna see succeed. advice and words of wisdom aren’t wasted on useless and stupid people. why? because they’re lost causes. and if advice and gold is given to useless people.. then it’s coming from a kindhearted person that only wants the best for people. so.. take what they say for face value and don’t think there are any secrets beneath those spoken words. cuz there are none. and if you decide to actually venture for yourself into the unknown knowing full well that what you are gonna encounter [no mights], and you DO encounter the bullshit.. don’t cry. why? cuz you were told.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

[I LOVE YOU] those words carry a lot of meaning. sometimes i stop to think if those words are real.. [or not]. and.. if they are real.. then it makes me happy knowing that they are freely said with no qualms as to what can happen if they are misused. but.. if they aren’t truly said, then why bother saying them? is it to see what kind of reaction the other is gonna get? or to test some type of foundation that is laying beneath?

Friday, May 18, 2007

?THESIS? FOR A GOOD BOOK

if you got something. don’t let it go. keep it until you can no longer keep it still. don’t kill it though. don’t try too hard. it’ll only damage everything. you gotta find a balance to make sure things are all good in the universe. if you try hard enough… maybe you’ll get it. if not.. fuck it. let it go and if it comes back…. then there you have it. until then…. DEAL WITH IT. but in a positive manner. what’s stupid you before from pursuing other ventures?

but.. if you really want it.. it’s understandable.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

negativity and happiness are pulling each other like no other. one tends to believe that there isn’t much to do in the world, while the other thinks that everything is grand and nice. both are in a constant battle and are always trying to achieve a balance.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

the chase. the thrill of the chase is so fucking great. i love the feeling. and, the longer it lasts, the greater it gets. it’s like a drug. well. not really. it’s just cool. and… the moment you catch up, either you’re happy or sad. disappointed is another good word. but, whatever. i like the thrill. funny thing, someone long time ago told me about the thrill. quite right. funny how it still stands true to this day.

Friday, April 27, 2007

art’s words of wisdom give me the motivation to achieve successes..

“To many individuals, love seems like something easy to find. Many believe love is found through time. They believe the longer you are with someone the more they will love you. And for some people that may be the case, but I personally disagree. Someone once told me that certain people remain together for convenience, and I see how that may be. If you don’t feed love it simply won’t grow.”

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

heartbreakers are people that associate pain with pleasure. they revel in the agony of others and love watching them suffer endlessly. although love may be felt for one another, or some sort of mutual chemistry may exist, putting the other thru some type of emotional pain seems to bring about a certain demonic, if not sadistic, quality to the person that is doing the damage. funny thing is though, the person that is going through all the pain. all the agony. all the suffering. is actually somewhat enjoying it all. but, there is always hope that the other is gonna eventually give in, or stop, with the torture. that everying will turn out alright. that no more pain. or agony. or suffering. will come about. but.. it turns out to be hopeless. because that is the form of pleasure that excites the soul. pain for pleasure. what is that? it lets us know we’re alive. no pain.. no love.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

not everything i have achieved has been given to me with such ease. i have had to work for it in some form. either by physical labor or emotional investment. either way.. something has been put in so that something great can be taken out. and.. i do things because i want to. not because i have to. i never do things for others because i feel that it is a duty. it’s not. i do things because i’m a genuine individual that is living life to the fullest while keeping in mind the dreams that i would like to personally accomplish, while making sure others around me are happy.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

what have you got to lose? nothing. live life knowing that you accomplished the feats that you want to take on. don’t say no. don’t look away from danger and death itself. always go to bed satisfied knowing that you achieved your goals and desires.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

AN UNDERSTANDING OF THIS THING CALLED LOVE

“if you love it, set it free. if it comes back.. it was meant to be.”

that holds true to the very end. people will always end up doing whatever it is that they have their hearts set on. regardless of anything, at some point or another, they will go out and seek what makes them happy. i think i repeated it, whatever. if you think about it, though, if you truly “love” someone, i don’t think you’d care about anything else besides their happiness. and besides, i’m sure if you love someone, they must love you back play with that sentence! i read somewhere.. love is letting the other grow into its beauty in their own environment. attachment is taking that beauty and possessing it because you like it [for yourself]. by taking that beauty and calling it your own.. you’re causing harm to the object (i hate to use the word object) because it is not gonna be able to thrive in a strange environment. you’re hurting its chances of survival by taking it away from the very place that it was meant to be. but, if you love it, you will let it grow into the beautiful object that it is and when that happens.. so many beautiful possibilities begin to transpire. meaning.. anything can happen! love is being able to go alone into the wilderness and have a certain peaceful-ness within you where you know that what you seek at the end of it all will be there. this lets you enjoy the time spent in the wilderness allowing you to contemplate whatever it is that you want. when you’re attached to someone not in love you worry too much about what comes at the end of the rainbow and it doesn’t allow you to take in all the beautiful-ness that surrounds you as you journey through whatever it is that you’re dealing with. now, these are all vague and generalized assumptions about love [and attachment], but.. love is something not easily explained nor understood. so.. it’s better than that stupid birds & the bees story that we’re spoon-fed as children by our authority figures.

if you think about it..

say someone loves you. you haven’t seen them or heard anything from them in god-knows-how-many days. attachment leaves you feeling unpleasant, uneasy, unhappy, unsatisfied, sad, lonely, and the list of negativities are endless. you’re always wondering what the other is doing. if they’re being unfaithful to your love, or you’re maybe envying all the fun they’re having WITHOUT YOU. i think that’s attachment.

when the person loves you or you love them unconditionally, you’re at ease. yes, it’s granted, you will probably miss them and their company. it’s human nature to miss those that we love [a sibling on vacation, a bestfriend gone for the summer, whatever]. but.. when we miss those that we love, we understand that there’s a reason for their absence. maybe they’re busy, working a lot, tired, thriving in their own environment, trying to handle their business, but, whatever the reason is.. it’s understandable. they love you supposedly and, if you really think about it, why would someone that loves you do something to jeopardize whatever exists between the two of you? they wouldn’t. love doesn’t fight. love.. tries to understand and it gives you that energy to live and be happy knowing that the other person is gonna be there for you at the end of it. when someone loves you, they TRY not to hurt you. they will actually do their best to make sure that YOU’RE happy. some people are more experienced with love while others are still playing with it. but either way.. love tries to make the other happy in all circumstances. and that even includes sacrificing personal happiness to make sure that the other is happy, no matter what. so.. i think it’s safe to assume.. love does what it wants. but.. when genuine love is present.. it’s all good. in the end.. they still love you. and, you know what? getting rid of love, or losing love, or falling out of love, is a feat not easily accomplished. it’s damn near impossible.