Customer Service Dictionary

1. 6-8 weeks – you better pray that it doesn’t get sent to Heromex, spend three months there, and still come back broken
2. Let me connect you to her voicemail – The supervisor never answers her VM. You’re just going to end up talking to me again.
3. We’ll replace your product – We never have the right model in stock. We really mean we’ll find something cheaper and send that to you.
4. Our overseas manufacturer – China
5. I’ll look into this and see what I can do – You’re screwed
6. There were 1000 abandoned calls – there were 10
7. Company is monitoring the calls – Billy printed reports
8. We’re going to have a meeting at 5:20 – We’ll never have the meeting. We just want to scare you
9. Handle your customers – Lie, lie, lie, lie and make excuses.